I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
