if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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