Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize