Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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