Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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