I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
