After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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