In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's official drugs can't kill me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When are your genitals available?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
