After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
