i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
