shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
