her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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