Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Your penis caused this!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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