Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
