i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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