In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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