was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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