i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
