apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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