Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
