He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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