Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
