i don't like sucking hair
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
