My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
