it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
