I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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