This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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