im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
