am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
