Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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