he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
