she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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