Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
