just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
