k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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