My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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