Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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