I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
