Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
