Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
