Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
