well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
