At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
