i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
