You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
