u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
