Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
