At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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