Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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