The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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