please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
