They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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