I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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