last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
