The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
FUCK WHALES
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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