I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
