he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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