awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
