Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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