Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
