Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
