Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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