she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
