Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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