Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
