do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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