why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
