She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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