dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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