I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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